Assertive Communication Skills for Caregivers
How Caregivers Can Communicate Effectively with Family Members
Dec 19, 2008
The first two steps in improving family communication are dealing with feelings and learning how to listen. The next step for caregivers is to effectively communicate what they want to say.
How to Communicate Effectively
To communicate effectively, caregivers must first validate the other person. To do this, understand what it is like to be in the other’s shoes. Know what he or she is going through. And say what comes from the heart.
- “I know that you care about us and I appreciate all the time you sacrifice in trying to help us.”
- “I know that you are suffering and in pain and that what you are going through is very difficult.”
- “You mean the world to me and it touches my heart that you are trying so hard to do the right thing.”
Caregivers should not communicate anything that they do not believe or feel, because it will undermine trust and it will not be effective.
How to Communicate Assertively
Caregivers should use assertive “I-statements,” as opposed to “you-statements.” I-statements promote effective communication because they do not attack the other person or put them on the defensive. I-statements reveal something about the caregiver and are less likely to lead to an argument.
How to Come up With I-Statements for Effective Caregiver Communication
An I-statement always begins with the words, “I feel”, followed by an emotion. The next part is to communication to the other person the behavior of theirs that caused the feeling.
- "I feel put down and hurt when you question my judgment and dismiss what I am saying." (As opposed to: "You never listen and you act like a big know-it-all.")
- "I feel unloved and worthless when you yell at me and criticize what I am doing in such an angry tone." (As opposed to: "You are a tyrant and all you ever do is yell and criticize.")
To make communication even more effective, caregivers can also assertively state what they would like the person to do instead of the offending behavior.
- "I feel frustrated when you take over without asking first because it is not helpful to me. There are many ways you could help me and I would value your help so much. I just need you to ask me first." (As opposed to: "You are way too pushy and not the least bit helpful, why don't you just leave.")
The I-statements above are a far more effective communication strategy than the you-statements in parenthesis. But beware of you-statements that are disguised as I-statements. These statements are not recommended, for example,
- "I feel that you are a jerk."
Simply putting the words "I feel" in front of a sentence does not make it an I-statement! The statement must reveal something personal, an emotion that the caregiver feels. It must be free of criticism and judgment, yet it states clearly what the other person's behavior is that is offensive. In addition, it can also communicate clearly and assertively what the caregiver wants.
Effective and Assertive Communication Improves Family Relationships
To bring people closer together, reduce stress in relationships, get one’s needs met, and make it easier to be in relationship with others, effective communication is the key.
Caregivers can improve communication by practicing. They can remember to validate the other person and use assertive I-statements to get their point across. Effective communication can enrich the lives of everyone involved.
 |
