As the numbers of “baby boomers” reach the age of 50, it is expected that this group of Americans will spend more years caring for elderly parents than they spend raising their own children. This phenomenon is often referred to as the “sandwich generation”, and rightly so.
The care of elderly parents should be discussed amongst everyone in the family, with the entire family involved in making care giving decisions that are in the best interests of the elderly parent as well as all caregivers. It is important to have respectful and open conversations, gently discussing a parent's wishes, needs and abilities based upon their mental, emotional and physical condition.
Of course, the ideal situation is when parents take the initiative to make decisions regarding their own care in advance, rather than waiting for an emergency to occur that can sometimes leave elderly parents at the mercy of uninformed relatives. Many problems can be avoided by parents investigating the types of retirement options available, making advanced decisions regarding insurance and life-sustaining medical care, and making sure that all necessary documents such as powers of attorney and wills are readily available to those who must take responsibility in the event of an emergency.
How To Help Elderly Parents
During a family conference, decide who will be the primary caregiver, and what role each member of the family will play in helping care for the aging parent. Everyone in the family, including teenage relatives and younger children, can help care for Grandma or Grandpa by making regular visits, calling on the telephone to chit chat, assisting with household chores, preparing nourishing meals, running errands, shopping for groceries, doing the laundry, supervising medications, trips to the doctor and so on.
Relatives that live further away can also contribute to the care of the aging parent by making regular phone calls, sending cards and letters, attaching recent photos or sending scrapbook collections of fun and happy times for the parent to enjoy. They can also make weekend trips to visit as often as possible. Dealing with elderly parents, and the numerous problems that often arise, should not be left entirely to the primary caregiver simply because they are living closer to the parent.
Elderly Parents Moving In
Making the decision as to where aging parents should live when they are no longer able to live independently in their own home can be exponentially difficult for everyone in the family, and often leaves family members feeling guilty regardless of the decision made.
Some elderly parents are difficult to deal with it, whether it be due to being overly demanding and controlling in their wishes, or perhaps due to changes in their mental state. This is a time where caregivers must weigh the advantages and disadvantages of having an aging parent living with them. They need to balance the needs within marriages and the care their own children need to ultimately make the decision that is best for everyone involved.
While it is admirable to want to have an aging parent living in the home with family, Grandma or Grandpa may require 24-hour nursing care that is not possible in the family home with both husband and wife having to work fulltime, so other alternatives may need to be evaluated and chosen.
Useful Eldercare Resources
AARP.com Webplace- Providing helpful information and regarding caring for the elderly and encourages elder advocacy.
Aging Parents.com: The Family Survival Guide - This guide is designed to help family members respond to eldercare crises and to plan ahead for long-term care giving, consisting of a booklet and two videotapes.
Aging Parents and Elder Care.com - Comprehensive checklists, articles and links to key resources.
Long-Term Care Link - Extensive web site with links to eldercare services and insurance information. Updated web site addresses for all State Agencies on Aging.
