How to Improve Communication in the Family
Caregivers: Fix Family Communication Problems to Ease Stress
Nov 17, 2008
Improving family communication involves both talking and listening. Once the caregiver masters listening to his own feelings, he needs to learn to listen to others. The communicator should see himself as both talker and listener and take listening as seriously as talking. Communication problems such as arguments often result when people try to solve each others problems instead of just listening to each other.
How Poor Listening Results in Caregiver & Family Communication Problems
Assume that a person is caring for her sick spouse. The spouse is frustrated about all the medicine he has to take, and complains when his wife/caregiver gives him his pills. The caregiver argues, tells him he shouldn't feel that way, or tries to downplay the issue. The sick spouse does not feel like he has been heard, so he feels he has to keep repeating himself. As a result, a fight occurs every interval when pills need to be taken. Communication has failed.
If the caregiver simply takes herself out of the role of problem solver and fixer, and understands the value of simply being a listener, she will be taking so much pressure off of herself. The spouse will feel relieved too.
Why People Don't Listen when Communicating
If the listener feels anxious about what the speaker is saying ("Oh no, what if he stops taking his pills?") this can cause the listener to respond instead of listen. Learning to contain one's own anxiety will help. This can be done by simply becoming aware when one is acting out of anxiety and making a point to pause, take a deep breath, and resist the urge to act out. For those who need more support, therapy, support groups, relaxation training, meditation and yoga can help caregivers manage and contain anxiety.
How to Improve Family Communication with Listening Skills
Managing anxiety is one helpful thing, practicing listening skills is another. The next time someone is communicating something important, just listen to what he says and repeat it back to him. Don't try to fix or solve the problem (unless, of course, he is specifically and plainly asking you for your opinion.) Don't come up with an "answer". Don't criticize him for feeling that way or try to talk him out of his feelings. Just let him know that he has been heard and that this feelings are accepted. The listener does not have to agree, just accept that this is how the other person feels. This is called "active listening."
How to Prevent Communication Problems by Practicing Active Listening Skills
Here's an example of how this works: when the husband complains about having to take pills the caregiver says,
- "it sounds like you feel frustrated about taking all of these medicines."
The caregiver listens to the next thing the spouse says, and repeats it back .
- "It sounds like you feel hopeless and don't think the medications are helping."
The only response given by the caregiver is "It sounds like you feel ____." This indicates that the caregiver has heard and understood. It does not try to fix, solve, or answer the problem. Indeed, there may be no solution.
By the end of the conversation, the caregiver should know exactly how the spouse feels. The spouse should feel better because his feelings were heard and accepted. The caregiver does not argue or try to talk him out of his feelings. However, she still continues to give him the medication at the proper time, until such time as an alternate plan is agreed upon.
Improved Communication Results in Less Stress
Allowing others to simply express and have their feelings should help relieve tension in the household. If the caregiver lets herself and everyone in the household simply have their feelings without denying them, arguing, trying to squelch them or invalidating them, everyone in the household should feel relief.
Once a person learns how to listen to her own and others feelings, communication in the family will be greatly improved. The next step is learning to communicate what one has to say in an effective way.
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