Emotional Challenges for Elderly Parents
How to Handle the Many Emotions of Aging Parents
Jul 7, 2009
When parents lose the ability to complete tasks, such as doing laundry, paying bills, cooking, driving, cleaning or living alone, one of the first emotions they often experience is relief. It feels great to have someone step in and do things that may have been neglected or felt overwhelming. Parents often express gratitude at this point as they are happy someone is watching out for them.
Often it is not long before relief turns into other emotions such as anger, fear, sadness and guilt. These emotions are much more difficult to deal with and often surprise the caregivers. Parents who were at first feeling grateful are now feeling guilty for being a burden to their children. They may also feel anger at being unable or restricted to perform certain tasks.
Sometimes anger masks the fear that parents are feeling about what the future holds for them. Sadness or depression can also present itself as the everyday tasks and activities that once brought pleasure and satisfaction are no longer an option.
Handling Parents' Emotions
First and foremost, caregivers must be caring for themselves in order to deal with the emotions of their parents. Without this, caregivers may react strongly to whatever emotions their parents express, thus making the situation more difficult.
It is very important to not personalize what parents may be saying in moments when they complain, cry or minimize the care or help they are receiving. It is hard to do this when caregivers are tired or feeling burnt out.
What is most important to do is listen and be empathetic. This can be hard to do if the complaints are continual or if they are personally directed at the care being provided. Listening is a very powerful tool and allows parents to feel as though what they have to say is important. Listening also tends to diffuse intense situations instead of intensifying them.
Initiate the Conversations
Don't wait for emotions to arise or complaints to surface. Ask parents periodically how it feels to not be cooking, cleaning or living in their own home. Be ready to hear whatever answer is given and notice if their answers change over time.
Adjustments Take Time
Dealing with elderly parents and their emotions takes patience and time. Some parents adapt and adjust easily, while others may never fully accept the changes in their lives. It is hard to fully prepare for this shift in the relationship between parents and adult children, but it is an important chapter in life and one that can be rewarding and memorable.
 |
