It is a given that parents must relate differently to their children when the children reach adulthood. In much the same way, adult children in their thirties, forties and fifties need to change the way they relate to their elderly parents when the aging parents enter the late life stage of their early seventies. It is up to the adult children to be conscious of and support this change, and there are many benefits to them if they do.
Benefits of Relating Differently to Elderly Parents
By relating better to elderly parents, people can become gain knowledge that can inform them how to live their lives better right now, while they are young and healthy and alive. People in US culture are generally deprived of this wisdom for two reasons:
- Because people don't live near each other and lead very independent lives, they are removed from the day to day lives of their aging parents. As a result, people do not learn the lessons of aging and the new, late-life perspective that the elderly parents are experiencing. Visiting during the holidays is not sufficient to absorb it. Elderly parents tend to keep this information to themselves, if there is no effort to draw it out of them.
- This, combined with our society’s taboo about talking about death, have turned us into a people ignorant of death, of how one dies, and what people go through at the later stages of life. It has also put up walls between aging parents and the rest of the world.
More Benefits of Relating Better to Aging Parents
Developing a better relationship with elderly parents can make it easier on everyone should the parents become ill and require care.
Relationships with aging parents can be much more satisfying and free of regrets if adult children evolve to be better attuned to their elder parents.
How to Relate to Elderly Parents
One way to achieve this is for all people with parents over age 70 to adopt a caregiver mindset, whether or not their parents are ill.
A caregiver mindset does not mean trying to take over, do things for them that they can do themselves, or get them to be dependent. A caregiver mindset means that the adult child takes responsibility for making this relationship evolution happen, and takes more of an interest in the elder parents.
This may be a role reversal that has already started to happen. As parents age, they may not be as available, as willing to help, or as interested in their children or grandchildren. Some of this may be due to age, early cognitive deficits, lack of energy, or preoccupation with other issues, such as their own or their spouse's health.
Adult children should not take this as rejection. Instead, they should take it as a sign that things are changing, as they often do at this stage of life.
 |
